On my way home from Bogor, 11 June 2011
Why do I sometimes got annoyed when other people told me that I will be cured???
It's almost like they're mocking me, talking as if they know it all..
Almost as if, when I was not cured yet, it was my fault..
-sf-
2 comments:
it's rubbish for me to say I know what you're going through. I can only say I'm always ready to hear & read your thoughts and words. nevertheless, this is my humble comments.
my dear, please don't let them get to you. you know they mean well. take in all the positive and block out (as best as you can, even though it's the hardest ever) all the negative. their motive is only to be positive, always thinking for the best. surely they know not the possible reception on your part, the way our minds can twist everything and anything. it is up to us to not let our minds win the tug of war. all this is easier said than done... but you must prevail :)
sobs.. yup, it's annoying when your mind is the one which has the problem..
Lately, Niss, it has been kinda hard to accept the fact that there is no cure (yet?) for lupus. And its harder to accept with people telling me that.
Guess you can say my mind is a bit jumbled right now.
I know that GOD works on all things for those who love Him. But if so, then the first question is, DO I LOVE HIM? -> as if this is not hard enough to answer, my next question is, does GOD want me to be healthy?
Sure, there are new medications for lupus. But those are to treat the symptoms, not to cure lupus. Lately I am just torn between accepting that I just have to live with it, and those thoughts (about whether GOD will heal me). When I was hospitalized, a relative even prayed like this "this night you will be healed!" And I almost blurted out: how do you know that HIS will is to heal me?
And another question that keeps popping on the back of my head was, how come Jesus heals a lot of people when He was in Israel, and not now? I know that it was never because His power changes, but what then??
sighs.. I guess it's one of those answers I'll know after I meet HIM someday.
thanks for letting me know you're reading this, Niss...
*hugs*
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